Alliteration.
In response to popular demand, this post explores the scientifically-proven nexus between panties and personality. In this post I'll take you across the pantie spectrum. I'll tell you what each pair of oh-so-sweet undergarments tells you about the personality of the wearer. Girls, check your underpants, because you might be in the cross-hairs. And guys, if you are wearing panties... well... keep it to yourself.
Disclaimer: I'm not going to discuss every type of pantie known to [wo]man (I'm sure I only know the smallest fraction of them), but I'll cover all of the major food groups: granny panties, standard/traditional panties & tangas, boyshorts, thongs, and the almighty g-string. Now, being a guy, I could be neglecting a category -- intentionally or unintentionally -- so please don't tear my head off, ladies, if I am leaving out your favorite S&M gear, etc etc. This is not a complete treatise on female underwear, but is merely a taste of the majesty.
The old common law maxim smallus pantimus es optimus sums this post up (I don't do Latin -- clearly). Let's get started.
6. The most despised undergarment is the dreaded granny pantie.
In response to popular demand, this post explores the scientifically-proven nexus between panties and personality. In this post I'll take you across the pantie spectrum. I'll tell you what each pair of oh-so-sweet undergarments tells you about the personality of the wearer. Girls, check your underpants, because you might be in the cross-hairs. And guys, if you are wearing panties... well... keep it to yourself.
Disclaimer: I'm not going to discuss every type of pantie known to [wo]man (I'm sure I only know the smallest fraction of them), but I'll cover all of the major food groups: granny panties, standard/traditional panties & tangas, boyshorts, thongs, and the almighty g-string. Now, being a guy, I could be neglecting a category -- intentionally or unintentionally -- so please don't tear my head off, ladies, if I am leaving out your favorite S&M gear, etc etc. This is not a complete treatise on female underwear, but is merely a taste of the majesty.
The old common law maxim smallus pantimus es optimus sums this post up (I don't do Latin -- clearly). Let's get started.
6. The most despised undergarment is the dreaded granny pantie.
NO excuses. You shouldn't be wearing this, unless you are older than 50. Ladies, work on it, pick up your game. I don't care if they are your "back up" underwear, or whatever lame excuse you can think of. These tell me that you aren't even trying, and you aren't thinking ahead. A guy should never see you in a pair of these (unless he has some kind of "mature" fetish, and in that case, dump his ass and date me instead, but lose the granny panties first). Basically, if you are wearing these, I recommend buying a lint roller, 'cause your ass is gunna be living with a bunch of cats for the rest of your life.
5. The traditional pantie & "tanga."
Okay, I can't be too critical here. These two are put in the same category because they are a degree of the same thing: average and not exciting. If you wear these my only advice is to go for the skimpier "tanga" style depicted on the right. I'm sure your man won't be displeased. It probably won't catch his eye (any more than you taking off your pants already would). Wearing these tell me that you want to wear clothes -- can't fault you for that -- but you aren't looking to impress anyone (or you just weren't prepared to "get down"). They tell me that you are traditional or normal, an average blue-blooded American. Who wants to be average? Your best bet is to step up to the next set of undergarments, at least.
4. The mercurial boyshort.
You have to be careful with this one. If you can pull it off, then it comes across as very sexy. But if you don't have the right body, then this one might not be right for you. I must say, that these are the only pair of pantie where your personality actually affects your attractiveness when wearing this undergarment. If you are like a "cool" chick, sort-of tomboyish (but not butch lesbian), more like "fun" and "I-can-recite-NFL-stats," then you are probably the right kind of chick for these. Also, you could be a supermodel, but in that case, you would probably look good in granny panties, so good for you. I have a personal preference for these, because they usually tell me that you are slightly unconventional (I like to think I am "unconventional" -- another word for "nerd") , and that you are probably an interesting person. I'd like to know you, and your underpants (haha).
3. The thong & g-string.
Now we're talking. You are in the right department now. If you look down, and you happen to be wearing a pair of these bad boys, then you are already on the fast track. You probably have a boyfriend (or husband), your life is filled with much success, and your office smells of rich mahogany. You probably have a fancy car, and make witty jokes with frequency. Thong < G-string. But, g-strings are just bonus points, much like an A+*. If you are wearing one of these undergarments, then you are also likely wearing a tight-as-shit summer dress, and in that case, I salute you. (Aside: Pants-suits are not hot, unless you have a sculptured ass, and the pants are tight. Otherwise, they make me angry! *insert angry face here*.)
2. Going commando.
Now, I'm not actually suggesting that you should go commando on a regular basis. I've heard of some girls doing this, but it's more like a unicorn, or more accurately, a very-rare earth metal, like Iridium. If you do this, it won't score you a ton of extra points (as it borders on strange -- almost). However, it would be a nice surprise for your man on occasion -- just tearin' off your pants and bein' all like "hey, look at me, bitch!" (haha)
1. Wearing candy panties.
Candy panties + a guy's mouth (or, I guess a girl's mouth would work too, if you are into that) = a fun time for someone. Enough said.
I hope you enjoyed this odd post, and don't think I'm a creeper for it -- all in good fun. And if it sounds judgmental, well, I'm not sorry. G'day mate.
