So I'm trying to diversify my blog. I came up with this idea to include the female perspective, aka, asking chicks topical questions in order to improve the lives of fellow man. This is how it works: I send questions to a chick that I know, they answer anonymously however they want (including a free-style answer at the end where they can say whatever they'd like about anything), I post their answers, and people read them (most likely laughing -- with the guys secretly taking notes).
I will probably be sending out the same questions to 2-3 chicks over the span of one month so the readers can compare answers between the different ladies. Then I'll be sending out a new set of questions for the next month. It's fun, and interesting.
So here is the third neural synapse: Anonymous Chick #3.
1) What is the best gift a guy could get you?
A good gift is one that shows that you were thinking of her. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, it doesn’t have to glitter, and it certainly doesn’t have to empty your bank account. My mother likes utilitarian gifts, like snow blowers, gardening gloves, and a new garbage disposal. I like gifts that make me laugh. Two of the best gifts I’ve ever received? In high school, my boyfriend made me a stuffed rabbit that looked exactly like the one from this video, because it was something that we’d both found amusing and joked about:
The other gift was a box of oatmeal. Strange? Perhaps. But I’d been dating a guy and casually mentioned that I wished I could find the oatmeal I ate as a little kid, the kind with the dinosaur eggs. The next time he was at the grocery store, he happened to see it, and bought it for me. Three years later, I still remember it. Perhaps that’s personal taste (I suppose I’m a bit quirky), but again, if you’re buying her gifts, you should probably know her well enough to understand her type of personality.
2) Do you have any fashion advice for guys?
Have you noticed a trend in these answers? Number one most important? Pants that FIT. If you like them baggy, fine, if you like them tight, go for it. But just as girls are advised to not wear clothes that give away too much of their mystery, no one wants to be able to tell your... ahem... size, with your pants on. Additionally, they should not be falling off. There is a very good reason that Vanilla Ice is single (well, I mean, besides all the rage and drug issues). Otherwise, what you wear sends out a message about your personal style and taste, and it attracts those types of girls. So if you're wearing girl jeans, don't be surprised that all you can get is fourteen year old girls in Twilight t-shirts and heavy eyeliner.
3) Fashion advice for chicks?
Pretty much the same as above. If you’re attracted to a particular type of style, then go for it. But your clothes should always fit. And you should really dress your age. I once read a fashion article where they went through and broke down trends into “expiration dates” according to age, as well as providing alternate suggestions on how to wear it if you’re older (i.e. you really shouldn’t wear those black t-shirts with “clever” statements on them past the age of 21). I’ve also noted that guys are either disgusted or just plain scared of some of the strange things we girls decide are trendy. There really is such a thing as dressing for guys and dressing for girls. Wear what you want, but be aware of the consequences. (And it’s really hard to go wrong in jeans and a well-fitting tank top.)
4) What is the worst date that you've ever been on, and why?
I once went on a date with a guy who I’d previously dated and broken up with. It was his attempt to reconcile, but he was high, hitting on the waitress and using extremely vulgar and abusive language towards me.
So, uh, don’t do that.
So, uh, don’t do that.
5) What is the ideal first date?
Personally? A first date that isn’t really a first date. I’m a strong supporter of that whole “friends first” idea, so ideally, it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve met. But I guess in a general sense, coffee (because if it’s not going well, you can end it after one cup and cut your losses) and then some sort of activity that isn’t a movie. Movies are where you go to make out. Activities give you something to talk about if you’re nervous and unable to come up with talking points, but are designed to allow for socializing without being shushed by the grandma sitting behind you. If you’re really trying to get to know someone, try bowling, mini-golf, or take her to an arcade and challenge her to see who can get the most tickets at the end of the night (and then give her the kazoo that cost you thirty five tickets).
From what I can tell, you guys are looking for a girl that doesn’t take herself too seriously, who likes to laugh and have fun. If she doesn’t enjoy this kind of stuff then she’s probably not going to be the kind of girl that will hang out with your buddies at the bar while you have all night skee-ball tournaments. Remember, a first date is just as much about you getting to know her, as it is about her being impressed by you. Don’t do things that make you uncomfortable or that you don’t enjoy, because when you find out five months down the road that she’s high maintenance because she throws a fit when you want to grab a pizza, whereas before you only took her to five star restaurants…that’s kind of your own fault.
6) What is the worst kind of kisser?
It’s been said before, and I’ll say it again. Deal with your saliva issues. No one wants their memory of a first kiss to include trying to find a polite way to wipe their face. Feel what your partner is doing, and don’t push for more than she’s looking to give. However, if she’s giving you the green light…go for it.
7) How many dates before sex? Less than one is totally acceptable.
I’ve found dates through one night stands. I’ve also held off for months. It’s really a matter of the flow between you. I do know, however, that it is extremely easy to be written off as not being girlfriend material if you give it up too soon, so I avoid it as much as possible. I’d probably aim for four as an average, assuming 1-2 dates a week (and yes, coffee and watching a movie on the couch totally counts).
8) Ever flash anyone in public?
Never on purpose. Possibly that I can’t remember. College was rough.
9) Does size matter?
Extreme size issues? Yes. If you’re Andre the Giant or Warwick Davis, we’ll notice. But generally, no. We girls are pretty accommodating in that matter.
10) Freestyle. Go!
In defense of my gender…we’re really not as crazy as we seem. Well I mean, some girls are. But in general, we just think differently than you. There have been scientific studies! And we get just as annoyed with you, because while you think you guys are easy to understand…you’re really not. We spend time with other girls, where nuances and what is unsaid is just as important as what is said. I guess you guys don’t work like that, but your whole thought process confounds me. If she’s freaking out, she’s probably just frustrated. We know you don’t like to talk about feelings, but listening to her when she’s upset will work wonders. We don’t really like screaming and yelling, so I suggest trying to let her explain why she’s upset, without snapping at her, and maybe you’ll even get some insight into how our brains work. But for the most part, we all try to save the creepy overanalyzing for our girlfriends, because we sure as hell know that you don’t want to hear it. (And trust me, even the super laid back girls overanalyze. They’re just the best at hiding it.)
Thanks Anonymous Chick # 3. Key takeaway: Ditch my "Vote for Pedro" t-shirt.
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